A Pro-Con list

(Posting something I wrote months ago on a trip I made to Ahmedabad)

Reached Ahmedabad yesterday night. Aaj walk karat hote, ektich . Missed him terribly. The walks we have had here in the colony have been extremely memorable. We have discussed a lot of things, from his brothers fiancé, to my opinions, to seeing beautiful peacocks to jogging in the morning. The times we have spent together in this huge house have been amazing too. I don’t remember a single moment that we have been apart for (except for sleeping & loo visits ) when both of us were in this house. We used to spend all the time either playing spider solitaire on his lappie, or watching some movie/serial again on his lappie. It is difficult to come in this house, and be alone. Knowing he is far away in Mumbai, working his ass off. Every room in the house reminds me of some or the other incident that has happened between us there. The garden, the walks everything, just keeps torturing me . The only positive outcome of this trip has been that I have realized how much I really love him. And that I can’t really live without him. All the rona-dhona apart, I took a walk today. I Got bored of the lappie and internet. Since I had no one but myself to talk to, I decided to evaluate myself and him. Just for fun. I have never done that before. All I did was a simple pro-con list. Turned out he had many more pros than I did. Which was not a surprise btw .

So, lets start with him.

Pros – Extremely caring, sensitive, gels very well with family (can handle my family better than I can) , knows and shows that he cares, very hardworking and intelligent, has worked hard and is now very fit(hunk!!!) extremely mature, gives very good advice ( he is obviously the first person I consult whenever I need any), handles my crying very well

Cons- can ramble at times(can’t get him stop, we go round in circles discussing the same thing over and over again and I am too much of a coward to tell him this on his face), may get angry for trivial reasons( has reduced a lot) , but is reasonable and will accept his fault if you can convince him of that.

Me: Pros- Hardworking, sincere, care for people, sort of intelligent and (I have him )

Cons- Insecure about looks, intelligence, low confidence, don’t know when it is important to show that I care, logical arguments neet nahi jamat(though I am improving by the day), find it difficult to stand up against people.

I am back :)

after a long break from blogging..

Nothing new to report from my end except that I am going back to my hometown .. Just fighting to get a job there currently. I have given a couple of interviews.. Am waiting to hear back, and the wait is killing me…..

I cannot seem to concentrate on anything  (its not as if I would concentrate a lot on the task at hand anyways, but who doesn’t love to give excuses ). I took a break from gymming for the sake of interview prepration but now even thats done. I dont know what else I should do since this is the first time I am applying on my own. i.e. not through campus. Campus placements are so much easier.

The painful process that job application is makes me sometimes regret the decision I made last year to join a company that was not in my hometown . But in my heart I know I have done the right thing. I have learnt and grown a lot after coming to this city and living on my own. It has been a nice experience even though I keep cribbing about it. Had I remained in my safety zone and never left my home, I could never have gotten this experience.

Anyways, regrets or not I just hope I get an offer from a firm in Mumbai and then off I go yippeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn’t it great to be in love?

The fights for trivial reasons, the drama, the fake anger, the tears … and last but not the least the making up

7 things I wanna achieve

Things I want to achieve:-

1. Show my parents that I care, call frequently, and visit them more often. Spend some time with them instead of spendin all my time with P.

2. 60 Kgs – target weight.

3.  Be more careful. I am currently too careless and maybe a little too self-centered. I do not realise when I unknowingly hurt people. I have to realising such stuff and try to be less self-centered.

4. Drive a vehicle . Doesn’t matter if its a two-wheeler or a four wheeler.

5. Get back to reading. I have quite a few e-books. Plus, hyderabad has a very awesome place where you can buy books dirt-cheap. It is like heaven to me

6. Learn being more considerate and being lil more practical from P.

7. Control my tears.

Job life Vs student life

As a post grad student, I used to be very curious as to what these “working” people actually do for 8-10 hours a day. How can anyone have so much work? and even if they do, isn’t it too boring to monotonously work for so many hours at a stretch. Being a student I was used to not having  a lot of work(academic) and whatever work I had I used to finish it asap so most of my day used to go watching movies on the computer or spending time with P(whenever he was in town). I never needed to work more than 3 hours a day. Being the restless person I am, I used to look forward to a job where I would be busy for so many hours (hopefully working on something I’d enjoy) and not worry about how to kill time.

With 4 months on my first job I am completely disillusioned. I am fed up of the job already. I have absolutely nothing to do the whole day. I go to office hoping there would be some work atleast. The amount of work that I usually have takes around a maximum of an hour. With the job scenario as it is currently, I cannot afford to lose my current job. I hate the fact that I have to live away from my family and P. I took this job in the first place because it was supposed to be a good company and I could get a nice work-ex. Plus the fact that I am to marry soon and I would not want to live in different city after marriage. So, this was the only time I had to do this kind of stuff.

I know that this is a wrong time to feel self-pity, especially considering the state of the job market, I should be glad just because of the fact that I have a job, and a high paying one at that. But, crib I am gonna, coz I can . I am just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping they give me some decent work soon.

P.S: The only good part of this whole ‘not-having-much-work-at-office’ thing is that I can go to the gym regularly for 2 hours and have a good workout.

Am I paranoid?

Things nowadays don’t seem so great between us.. Is it just me or the passion that we had has lessened a lot over the 3 years of our relationship. I get the feeling that we know each other too well. There is nothing new and exciting about us. This happens mainly when I see someone who has a newer relationship and is in the early days of courtship. I try to reassure myself by thinking that it is just that they are in the “phase”, when we were at that stage it was the exact same for us. When a relationship matures, it automatically becomes not so exciting, but very satisfying and peaceful. There is security in knowing you love someone and that the person loves you back.

The loss of initial excitement sometimes disappoints me. But knowing what I have with him, realising how much we care for each other, the level of comfort that we have is amazing. The feeling of satisfaction, complete peace and calm that I have whenever I am with him reassures me that we are meant to be with each other.

The main issue I feel is due to the fact that we have not been in the same city for a long time. When we are away ( we have been away for a lot of time, our long distance relationship has been going on for too long ) I sometimes feel insecure. I doubt the love I have for him. I feel infinitely guilty about these feelings.

Does this happen with everyone? or is it just me??

The best days of this month

He is leaving today .. We had such a great time together… On the bike, discussing our future, boat ride in the lake..

We even celebrated our two year anniversary. We started our day by playing pinball and and scored highest ever scores. We discovered how to get extra balls using hyperspace bonus .. had a great lot of fun.. This was followed by a trip to Hakone gaming centre in Powai for a game of bowling .. I think it really was our day in gaming.. I scored quite a lot. with a strike and a spare. even though it was just the second time I tried my hand at bowling.

We spent some time at the Aarey road, with a quiet boat ride. It was very scenic with the ducks paddling around us, and lush green trees surrounding the lake. We had our usual masala doodh at the Aarey sarita.

The day was concluded with a romantic dinner at Fine Dine restaurant in Nirmal Lifestyles. The place really rocks. It had French windows with a nice view of the Mall. Plus, the seating arrangement ensured adequate privacy. The service and the food were excellent. The place is quite pricey, but it was a special occasion afterall

These two years of my life have been pretty special. Even though we have had a long distance relationship, we have really sailed though it. Our fights are never very serious, and whenever he comes back home, we pick up from where we left, its like we were never apart

The next few years are also going to be similar, in the sense, we will have to have a long distance relationship, but our bond is strong enough to sustain it. Moreover, we are, by now, quite used to this long distance thing.

Wishing us a great future together

~S

I wish it hadn’t happened

This was something I wrote a few days back, when I hadn’t started blogging. It is about me, P and one of my ex – very good friends C. She was my closest pal during my early engineering days, but she did something that made our relationship bitter for life.

Written on December 23rd 2007
Feeling absolutely depressed ( .. he is leaving for Ahd.. and i feel like crying, but i cant … coz I have promised him that ii wont.. see I am brave ..
Anyhow, I wont bore u with the usual love him-miss him stuff.  Just had my recent trip for the HiPC conference trip to Goa. It reminded me so much of the time we had spent in goa during the IV.. the bus journey, the cards, the talks…… everything..

It makes me miss him even more. Goa led me to so many memories; the times when we used to chat all day – all night long. I have bared my soul to him. He knows me better than myself. We talked arbit-random childhood incidents to deep secrets. Even stuff i wud be scared to say to anyone. My beliefs, my thoughts, things that scare me, my insecurities, my likes, my dislikes, what i feel about almost everything in the world. The list of stuff we talked in simply endless. I simply cant imagine we are approaching the 2 year mark. Its amazing how time flies when we look back.

It also reminded me of our favourite topic for chat. Miss C. I really don’t know what she had against me that she told me such lies against him. I met her today, tried to bury the hatchet, but somewhere in my heart it still pains. Something isn’t quite right. I guess it can’t be helped. I couldn’t help thinking that I did steal P from her. After all she was the one who used to interact more with him. She considered him as her best friend. Someday I come along and they started having fights . P assured me that the fights has started long time before I entered the picture. Her behavour with him used to be eccentric, leading to fights. Anyways, after P and I started getting closer, she started behaving weirdly. We hardly talked, even though we sat next to each other in class. Thankfully I had A(another very goof friend of mine) to support me during that time. She knew very well what i was going through and I confided a lot in her.

I just wanted to write about the relationship between the three of us; P , C and I. I still don’t know what i feel about her. The only explanation I have is that she really liked P, and i do not mean like a friend, but had probably not communicated it to him just assumed that he felt the same, since she was the girl he talked most too. Fortunately(for me) he did not feel the same. She could not handle the fact that he paid more attention to me, while ignoring her, around Goa time, she started hanging with R n S, since she didn’t have many other options to turn to.. A n D she did not prefer.. and anyways it was doubtful how much they would really support her against me. Her other good friend was P, who was now with me. This continued throught the semester, during which she tried to dissuade me as much as she could from hanging out with P, while she herself worrying all the time why P wasn’t on good terms with her.

Now that so much time has passed my anger(don’t have a better word for the feeling for her) has dimmed. She was a good friend before all this happened, so i want to be good friends with her … try to forget the things that happened between us, remember only the good times(big words, but i really mean them) anyways she wont be around here.. but Istill want to remember her as a good friend. I am not being any saint here, I do owe her a lot. She has also contributed to what i am today. She has been a very good friend for most part. I had a lot of fun with her the PJs, gossips, general fundae sessions.. will miss all those good times ..